May 31, 2011

A Very Wedding Weekend in Iowa

It feels like I haven't posted in a month...and it was less than a week ago. I think I'm in trouble.

Hi friends! How's it going? I've loved catching up on all of your Memorial Day Weekend posts! Forgive me for not commenting over the entire month of May weekend, but it's been a busy, busy month! Recap to come tomorrow! But let's start with the weekend, shall we?
  • I went to Iowa for a fantastic wedding, ate more cake than should be legal, danced my butt off and (oops!) sprained my wrist.
  • I spent 5 hours in Des Moines (International???) Airport while 2 of my flights were cancelled and the ones they kept putting me on were delayed.
  • I missed my flight out of Chicago because of said delays and ended up sleeping on a cot in O'Hare and being rudely woken up at 4am by a security officer kicking said cot telling everyone to go back to their terminals...even though my flight wasn't until 6:55. 
  • I finally landed in LaGuardia, made the long trip back to Mom's house in Jersey, went to the ER to make sure my wrist wasn't broken, slept through Memorial Day and am now struggling to type this post with the arm equivalent of a boot on my arm. 
I promise you that you had a better Memorial Day than I did. But let's start with the good parts write? Two of my very dear friends, Justin and Laura, got married this weekend in Iowa. The wedding was gorgeous and I had a fantastic time. She looked beautiful and he was in tears as she walked down the aisle. The (Catholic) ceremony was quirky and fun and very *Justin and Laura.*

Photo courtesy Belltower Photography.

The reception was awesome. It wasn't rushed, the food was good, the cake was amazing, the Photo Booth was fantastic, the 90s ballads were awesome and the dancing was just awesome...well, until I took a bad spill on some spilled wine and broke my wrist (or so I thought). Luckily, this was at the end of the night so I just ignored the pain until I got back to my hotel and iced it all night.

I may or may not have had 3 slices of cake...
Me with the Beautiful Bride!

Sunday morning, we woke up bright and early and headed to the bride's house for a brunch/bbq/wiffle ball game and just lounged around nursing our hangovers with Bloody Marys. Then it was time to head to the airport. I was flying American Airlines from Des Moines to Chicago to New York. I should tell you in advance that I'm very, very picky when it comes to choosing airlines. I'd rather pay more money to fly with an airline that I've never had problems with than one I have. So I opted for this route instead of flying with my friends through Minneapolis on Delta. Chicago was having really bad storms and nothing was coming or going out of O'Hare so I was delayed by a lot which caused me to miss my flight to New York. Now, I'm not blaming the airline for any of this. No one can control the weather and overall my experience in Des Moines was pretty pleasant. The pilot was great at communicating to us exactly what was going on and when we boarded and then deplaned, even that wasn't frustrating. We finally boarded and were set to take off but were told that none of us would make our connecting flights because we would be waiting on the tarmac for at least an hour for a gate before we could get off the plane. It ended up being 2 hours but fine, we all knew it was coming. Here's where I started having problems with American. We were told that an agent would be at the gate to help us review our options for travel the next day. There was no one there. My fellow passengers and I spent about 20 minutes walking around trying to find someone. When I finally spoke to someone, she told me, she hadn't had her lunch break and shouldn't have to be dealing with us and was chatting away on her iPhone instead of helping me. Finally, she gave me a ticket out for the next morning. When I asked for a hotel room and a meal voucher, she said she couldn't give me one because 1) she can't control the weather and 2) she wasn't a supervisor and all the supervisors had left for the day. I walked around trying to find some food and drugs because my writs was extremely swollen and I was in a lot of pain. The entire airport was shut down.  The only thing opened was McDonald's. This wasn't going to fly. I found another agent and explained my situation saying that many of us had been stuck in an airport for over 7 hours without eating and we couldn't be expected to stay in a closed airport all night. He said McDonald's is open. I said, I'm a vegetarian. He said, 'Beggars can' t be choosers.' Wow. Then he offered me a hotel that was 30 minutes away for $79 and said that there was no guarantee the hotel would actually have a room but that was what they offered 'Distressed passengers.'

I finally met a friendly cop who told me that American Airlines screwed over everyone and that about 450 flights were canceled that day and that AA was the only airline who didn't offer hotels to their passengers. So I was given a cot and a blanket at 1am. The airport was freezing so I didn't sleep very well at all and when I woke up my wrist was double the size of my other arm thanks to not being able to find any meds. It was also 4am and airport security came around kicking everyone's cots telling us  they needed to get the terminal ready. My flight wasn't for 3 hours and food places didn't open for another hour and a half. And I was starving. Needless to say, this marathon running, carbo loading gal wasn't a happy camper. But worse off than me, were the 90+ year old people on oxygen tanks who were stranded in the airport, and all the people with babies. It was horrific and the most terrible display of airport customer service I have ever seen. I plan on writing a letter to American but I also wanted all of  you to know so that you think twice before booking on AA. I chose to fly American (and spend more money on my flight) than Delta because I had had a lot of problems with Delta in the past and had never had issues with American. But you know what? The last time I flew Delta, I got stranded in Atlanta because of a severe snow storm and was given a hotel and a meal voucher. American clearly doesn't care about it's passengers which was demonstrated by the fact that they didn't have any gate agents waiting for us, had no supervisors on hand to assist the thousands of passengers who were stranded, and couldn't bother to make an effort to offer comfortable options for sleeping, especially when there weren't adequate meal options in the airport.

Anyway, that's what happened. Thankfully I don't have a broken wrist but I'm out of commission for a few weeks which means the Gold Coast Tri may end up being a DNS but we'll see. And for the sake of this post not being any longer, I'll leave you all with well wishes for a short week.

May 26, 2011

three things thursday

1. Goodbye Texas - Tonight's my last night in Texas. It's been a good trip but has definitely had its ups and downs. The ups? New cowboy boots from Dad, IHOP breakfasts with my sister and my best friend, ping pong tournaments late into the night, manicures with the little sister, and some quality tri training. The downs? Scorpions, spiders and constant mosquito bites, painfully hot weather to run/bike in, missing out on seeing some friends and a few other things. But tomorrow I'm off to Des Moines for the amazing wedding festivities of my friends' Justin and Laura and will be reunited with all of my DC loves for the weekend.

I thought this picture was appropriate given that I'm going to a wedding!

2. BRIC Workouts - I did my first bric workout today with a 3 mile bike ride followed by a mile and a half swim. It was awful really tough. I haven't swum all week and probably won't be able to swim in Iowa and a 3 mile bike ride that killed me like that makes me really hesitant about my capabilities to bike 10.5 miles after swimming. And then running a 5k. This tri thing is playing my mind like a fiddle.

3. Packing - I'm usually pretty awesome at packing just the right amount of clothes for a trip and fitting it all into a carry on bag. While I managed to pack 4 weeks worth of clothes and stuff into 1 small carry on suitcase, somehow, I'm borrowing a small duffle bag from my sister to get everything back. I don't understand it. The only things I've bought since I've been gone are 2 books, a pair of dress shoes for the wedding, a pair of bike shorts, and a pair of cowboy boots (which I'm wearing on the plane tomorrow) yet none of it is fitting into my bag. I just don't understand it. And I always pack the same way so it's not a matter of how I'm packing. I hate being a crazy bag lady and carrying a million things through the airport but that will be me tomorrow and again next week. *Sigh*

I won't be posting from Iowa so have a great weekend!
Next time you hear from me, I'll be back in The Big Apple after being away for a month!
It'll be so good to be home!

May 23, 2011

love/don't love

1. I'm in Texas! I flew in Saturday morning to surprise my little brother for his 18th birthday and I'm here for a week! Love.

My little brother who's not so little anymore!
2. I'm not in Florida anymore and I won't see The Pilot for 3 months. Don't Love. At all. 
3. My best friend in the world also happens to be in Texas this week and I can't wait to see her! Love.
4. Leaving Florida was really hard and I really wish The Pilot could've made the trip out to Texas with me. Don't Love.

Cuddling!
5. Triathlon training is actually going really well! I got on a bike for the first time in...12 years (I swear I'm not kidding) on Saturday and while I was really shaky on the ride, I know that it's just a matter of building my confidence up. Love.
6. It has been hot and humid in Texas. I don't mind the heat but the humidity is killer. The Texas I grew up in was famous for dry heat. If this is what Sri Lanka is going to be like, I'm not excited. Don't Love.
7. It's awesome being in Texas with my family. I'm the middle of 7 and we haven't gotten all 7 of us together in almost 12 years but whenever I come down here, we at least get 5 of us and always have a blast together. Love.

The 3 of us are #s 2, 4 and 5
Little sister and I exchanging birthday cake!
8. I finished another book off The Book List this weekend! "The Golden Notebook" by Doris Lessing was really good but had an anticlimactic ending which was frustrating after reading such a long book. Love/Don't Love.
9. It's thunder storming in Texas today which makes for a lazy day but it's also a much needed rest day from training so I'm thrilled about that! Love. 


That's my Monday for ya!
Have a great day everyone!

May 19, 2011

three things thursday

1. Rough Morning - More like the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad morning. I woke up early to go running this morning and as I was opening the fridge to take out milk to pour into my cereal, the bottle of wine that has been on top of the fridge for who knows how long, fell off, cracked on my back and shattered EVERYWHERE. I'm fine but I had to spend the next hour cleaning the kitchen because there was wine and class everywhere. The worst part about it? It was the bottle of wine that the Pilot and I were saving for New Year's. We buy a bottle of wine every year around Christmas and drink it the following New Year's. So now we have to get a new bottle of wine and it won't be the same. Anyway, after my cleaning fiasco, I headed out to go run the most miserable 5 miles of my life. Read: 80 degrees and rising, lovebugs flying in my mouth, legs felt dead from yesterday's swim+run workout. So, yea...rough morning.

There is every sense crying over spilled wine!

2. Tri-Training - 5 weeks out from my Tri and I still haven't gotten on a bike. That's all going to change this weekend though so I'm feeling pretty good so far. I really like swimming. It kicks my ass but it's an amazing workout. I did 500 yards yesterday which I'll do again tomorrow. My training plan (courtesy of Runners' World) has me doing the same distance each week with breaks in between longer stretches of laps. I like it. We'll see how I feel when I get on a bike on Saturday though. I'm also terrified of getting in open water...baby steps, right?

3.  India - I've been perusing my Lonely Planet Guide to India trying to map out a travel itinerary for my 2 week visit this summer. Unfortunately, I'm going to be in India during monsoon season. From everything I've read, they say it's not the best time to go but because of when monsoon season occurs, it's actually a pretty common time to visit India. I'm just trying to find out when the monsoons will be worse and if there are certain parts of India, I should just avoid all together. Right now, I think I'm going to fly into Trivandrum and spend a few days in Kerala, make my way up to Goa for a few days, visit Mumbai for a few days and then spend a week in the Golden Triangle and possibly Rajasthan, which I hear doesn't get hit by the monsoons at all. Either way, I need to decide soon so I can get my visa and book my ticket out of Sri Lanka! Have you been to India? Any tips for a first time traveler to the country?


That's all for today! Next time you hear from me, I won't be in Florida anymore, which is really depressing. But I'll be off to my next summer destination! This post has me thinking though and I'd love to hear from you: 
What do you do when you have a bad morning? How do you shake it off? 
Have you done a triathlon before? What was your favorite part of training?
Are you going anywhere this summer? Where are your summer plans taking you?

As always, I'd love to hear from you! 
Happy Thursday!

May 18, 2011

Ballpark #11: Tropicana Field

The Pilot and I didn't have plans last night. He got home from work around 4 and we did the typical, "How was your day? Good. How was your day?" chat (which I'm really gonna miss) and then moved on to the, "What do you want to do tonight?" I suggested mini-golfing but he had a different idea.

"Tonight's the last night the Rays are home while you're here. Do you want to go to Tampa? If we leave now, we can just make it. You've got to go to one of the Florida ballparks while you're here!"

Wait...what?

Yes, The Pilot does read my blog. So he knows all about my list and the fact that he said this...was awesome. It was 4:30 at this point and the game started at 6:40. We live, He lives on the Space Coast...aka the East Coast of Florida and the Rays play in St. Petersburg which is on the Gulf Coast, so we had to drive all the way across Florida to get to the game.

The drive up was awesome. We blasted country music and just so much fun driving. It was just one of those trips that makes you really appreciate the little moments in life. (Sorry, I just served y'all with a plate of cheese balls)

Outside the stadium
Anyway, we got to the Field about 7:10 and by the time we bought our tickets, got food and made our way to our seats, it was the bottom of the 3rd. No big deal though.

We went up to our seats way up in the 300 level behind home plate to eat our quesadillas (quesadillas at a ball park? I'll take it!) and watch the game. By the way, in my opinion, if you're trying to visit a ball park on a budget, these are the best seats. The top level behind home plate...you have a great view of the stadium and there are usually some pretty awesome fans up there.


The Rays were playing the Yankees. Gross. I hate the Yankees. But the Rays are in 1st place right now with the Yanks 2 games back (2.5 before yesterday...grrr) so it was a fun game to watch.

After swallowing our quesadillas whole we ate, we decided to go walk around, get some beer, etc.

Here's where my critique of the stadium comes in.

1) The stadium is completely indoors. What??? A ballpark in Florida where the sun shines about 360 days a year is completely indoors? Something about that just didn't quite sit right to me. I hated that the whole time we were walking around, we relied on TVs to tell us what was going on at the game. I'm a much bigger fan of places like CitiField or AT&T Park where you can spend the whole game walking around the park and still have a view of the field from almost everywhere in the park.

Notice the roof? And the closed in walls? Not a fan of the Indoor thing...
2) There was a lot going on at Tropicana. They had 2 or 3 bars/restaurants, one of which was so loud and blasting dance music that for a minute I thought we were at a club instead of a baseball game. And while I was trying to order my beer, there were girls (who looked about 18) taking shots and a couple guys who were trying to pick up girls...umm...again, are we at a baseball game or a club?
3) There were arcade games and some sort of kids playground. Who goes to a ball game to play arcade games???

After walking around for a bit and getting beers (the most important part of any ball game!), we were able to sneak into some 100 level seats and sit in Left Field. YES!

Much better seats!
When we got to these seats, the Yankees were up 2-1 in the 5th inning. Within about 15 minutes, they scored 2 more runs and ended up winning 5-1. Gross. Did I mention that I hate the Yankees?

Speaking of the Yankees, now that I've been to Tropicana Field, I'm 1 field away from seeing every stadium in the AL East. What's left? You guessed it...Yankee Stadium. I'm tempted to not go. But here's the catch. I graduate next May. Where? You guessed it...Yankee Stadium. I'm sure I'll suck it up and go there at some point though...we'll see.

We had a great time last night. It sucks that the Rays lost but we still had a blast because well, Boyfriend and I could probably have fun in a dungeon. I wasn't a fan of the stadium, but I still had fun.

Yes, I was wearing sunglasses on my head indoors.
When we left the condo, I didn't realize I would be inside all night!

The drive back was just as much fun as the drive there. I was full on with the energy to try and keep The Pilot awake but I started to fall asleep about 20 minutes from home. We finally got home around 12:30 and passed out. He had to be out of the house at 7:30 this morning to go fly which I felt bad about but seriously? Taking me on a 5 hour round-trip trip just to cross another ballpark off my list just proves how awesome he is.

Tonight? We're going to the pool to get some laps in while he feeds my addiction for endurance sports.

Guys, I think we have a keeper on our hands ;)

Hope you're all having and awesome week!
I know I am!

May 16, 2011

love/don't love (and #16!)

1. Today is Monday and I am still on vacation. Love.
2. I'm leaving Florida on Saturday and won't see Mister Pilot for at least 3 months. Don't Love. At all. 
3. I saw the Space Shuttle Launch this morning! And it was SO cool! Love.

People waiting on the beach for the Shuttle Launch!
There it goes! 
SO cool!
4. I had a fantastic almost 5 mile run this morning. Love.
5. I've been easing into my Vibram Five Fingers and ran my longest run in them today with 1. 2 miles and well, I know they aren't for everyone, but I freaking love these shoes. Love.
6. The Pilot and I had an amazing weekend that involved yummy dinner and a movie, the beach, building a sand castle!, minor league baseball, napping, swimming and being cheesy and in love. Love.
7. I am in an unbelievably good mood today. Love.
Sand Castle Building!

Digging the moat! 
Our finished Castle =)
8. That's right! We built a sand castle! It was my first one! And it was also #16 off The List so that's done! Love.
9. It's currently pouring in New York and I'm SO thrilled to not be there. I think New York in the rain is absolutely miserable. Love. 
10. On a less than ecstatic note, May is Melanoma Awareness Month. Please watch this video (it's pretty awesome) and spread the word. Love/Don't Love.


Well that's that! I'm off to lather up with some SPF and go sit by the pool!
The Pilot gets home early today so hopefully we'll be off on some more adventures!

May 11, 2011

Much Needed R&R

Good morning friends! I've been a bit quiet on the blog front these past few days as I've been spending quality time with a beach towel and catching up on blogs.

So you may or may not have gathered that I made it to Florida and am now milking this sunshine for everything it's worth. It was 43 degrees the day before I left New York which made me that much more sure that I don't ever want to go back there again. 43 degrees in May? No thanks. I'll take the 86 with a cool breeze that I've been having in Florida over that any day. 

This is the view I wake up to every morning. 
Since I've been here, I've done a whole lot of nothing. I finished reading The Divine Comedy yesterday, I guess that was productive. The Purgatorio and the Paradiso were definitely not as good as the Inferno, but hey, it's another book off the list! 

This is where I sit to read when I'm not out by the pool. 
Isn't it gorgeous? I've been hanging out with the puppy, lounging by the pool, working on my tan and finally, working out! I ran 2 miles on Monday and 2.5 yesterday. I have yet to get in a run without having chest pain but I'm working on it. I've been warming up on the recumbent bike so as not to go too hard too fast but I'm still having some chest pain at the end. I'm planning to take today off from running and hit the pool for some laps and then go for an easy timed run of about 40 minutes tomorrow, focusing more on time than on distance so as not to push myself too hard and then we'll reevaluate what I can do from there. 

Oh and about that whole, I'm going swimming today...yea, remember when I accidentally signed up for a triathlon? Well it's 6 weeks away. Yesterday marked my first day of training and I was supposed to go for a bike ride. One problem...I don't have a bike and apparently spin classes are non-existent in the greater Melbourne area of Florida. Wonderful. I'm going to try and sneak into The Pilot's gym tomorrow to get on a stationary bike but it looks like I won't make it on to an actual bike for another week and a half or so...hmm.

The Pilot and I also watched the Collegiate Triathlon National Championship the other night on ESPN. At some point while the 1st wave athletes were biking, he looked over and said, "Is this getting you pumped?" My reply? "Umm no, it's actually starting to terrify me. 

The thought of DNSing my 1st tri is really starting appeal to me. 

Speaking of The Pilot, I'm making every effort to milk every second that we're together because I had the sudden realization yesterday that I'm leaving in 10 days and won't see him for at least 3 months.

But I don't need to think about that right now, do I? I have a book to read and some sunshine to soak up =) 

Hope you're all having a great day!


May 8, 2011

Blessed.

The only word I can use to describe my life right now is blessed.

via
This week was scary. I've been following up Tuesday's nightmare hospital visit with some doctor appointments to try and figure out just what might be wrong and of course, doctors never call when they say they will so I'm still waiting. The good news is that I managed, with the help of my wonderful mom and amazing sister to move out of my apartment. I also was able to finish my last two papers and send them to my professors less than 2 days after they were due. And after feeling as though I wouldn't make it, I managed to get on a plane yesterday morning and fly myself to Florida.

The Pilot recently moved into a new condo that's right on the water and it's absolutely stunning. (Pictures to come this week). It's the perfect place to follow the doctor's prescription of R&R.

Back to being blessed...

All of your comments were unbelievable. From those of you who have had panic attacks yourselves and could easily identify with what I went through to those of you who sent sweet e-mails and messages to make sure I was ok to those of you who sent gifts, I really can't thank you enough. When I started this blog just over a year ago, I started it as a way to keep track of my 25 Before 25 list. I never expected to gain friendships and find such a wonderful support community in each and every one of you. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all.

via
And of course, because it's Mother's Day, but because, really every day should be Mother's Day, I am incredibly blessed to have my amazing mother who, despite being overwhelmingly stressed out this week with work, managed to take off time to take care of me, pick me up from the hospital, move me out of my apartment and help me get my papers done. I've said this before but I could never, ever say it enough: I have the most incredible mom in the world and I am so unbelievably grateful to have her in my life. She has been there for me through absolutely everything and I honestly don't know how she did (does) it. I only hope that one day, I can be half as great a mom to my own (future) kids as she has been to me. 

I love you, Mami!
I'm still having a lot of chest pain but I'm feeling stronger every day. I'm hoping and praying to be able to get out and go for a run by Tuesday. In the mean time, I'll be relaxing poolside, soaking up the sun and enjoying the fact that I'm done and finally on summer vacation and even though I'll be on tour (more on that later) this summer, for now, I'm staying put right where I am, with nothing to do but read books and catch some sun. 


Thanks again to all of you for being so amazing
Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there!
Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

May 4, 2011

If it wasn't for Wikipedia...

I would have no idea what was wrong with me.

Despite finding myself in the Emergency Room last night after being driven to the hospital in an ambulance with an oxygen mask on my face.

I pray to God that you never find yourself in the Emergency Room of a New York City Hospital. 

Let me preface this by saying that I used to think that panic attacks were ridiculous and that people who had them were overly dramatic and didn't know how to cope with stress.

I didn't know that "Experiencing a panic attack has been said to be one of the most intensely frightening, upsetting and uncomfortable experiences of a person's life and may take days to initially recover from." (Wikipedia)

Let me tell you, Wikipedia is right. So to anyone I may have scoffed at for ever having a panic attack, I'm sorry.

According to the EMTs, I was having a cumulative panic attack brought on by my body basically failing me. According to Wikipedia, panic attacks are good because they are an early warning sign that your body is failing you and the attack is basically a hormone and adrenaline rush that signals that the body is trying to defend itself from harm.

Mind you, I was feeling fine until about 4:30pm yesterday when I went to Starbucks for my 3rd cup of coffee of the day...this time with an extra shot. I don't ever drink coffee but this Finals week has left me with no other alternative for my sleep deprivation.

To recap: After getting home from a class bbq at my professor's house at 1am on Thursday night, I realized that I had lost everything I had written throughout the day for my 'Developing Countries' paper due to a file corruption caused by switching from using Word for PC to Word for Mac and back. Cue nervous breakdown. Friday after work, I spent the night desperately trying to finish the paper that I was oh so close to finishing the night before. When I didn't finish, I woke up extra early on Saturday to do so before heading to work, coming home and starting Paper #2 which I finished on Sunday morning...and then started Paper #3. By Monday night, I was at 3,000 words and in good shape. But it was 2am and I just couldn't write anymore. So I went to bed, woke up and headed to work. The plan was to go from work to class to home to finish writing my paper so I could move out of my apartment, go to class tonight and officially be on summer vacation.

That didn't go according to plan. As I was getting ready to leave work, I felt like my heart was beating really fast and I was kind of dizzy and not feeling so hot. I figured it was just the caffeine so I got on the subway and headed for class. Well, the train was held up due to signal failure ahead (I hate that announcement), and I was sitting on a crowded rush hour train trying to read The Divine Comedy on my Kindle and my heart was beating really fast and I felt really lightheaded and I just kind of collapsed. I came to a few seconds later and as soon as I got off the train, I called my friend Erin for help. By the time I walked from the subway to school (about a 2 minute walk), my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest. My hands were really tingly and I was breaking out in a cold sweat and I just felt really clammy and I was having a really hard time breathing and this whole time my chest was just pounding.The EMTs initially thought I was having a heart attack (which was terrifying) but after checking me, they determined it was a panic attack, slipped an oxygen mask on me and brought me to the ER.

After being asked if I was on drugs by multiple doctors and sitting in a room in the middle of the ER with absolutely no privacy and constantly being confused for different patients, I was finally seen by a doctor who seemed utterly confused about my situation. Come on, this can't be that rare. She ordered an EKG and then they gave me tylenol (???) and told me to go home without any kind of explanation as to what was happening, why my chest was still hurting, nothing.

So I went home. My friend Erin came to the hospital and emailed all of my professors for me and they've all sent great emails in response telling me not to worry about anything which is refreshing...except that I still have to get it all done.

I went to my Primary this morning who is referring me to a cardiologist to see if anything more serious is going on.

I'm still having a lot of chest pain and still pretty stressed out about finishing up my last paper, moving out of my apartment and getting myself to Florida in one piece. I'm hoping to try and get through everything by tomorrow and that I'll be myself again in a few days but this whole experience has been pretty scary.

To be perfectly honest, I'm disappointed in myself. I've always been so on top of everything but losing that paper just screwed up everything. I should be in class right now, I should be going out for drinks tonight to celebrate finishing my first year of grad school and instead, I'm having major chest pain and I'm still not finished. As scary as all of this was, I'm disappointed in myself for not holding it together, for going to work on Monday when I should have taken the day off to finish, for not calling out of work because I cared too much what my boss would say (my last day is Thursday, why should I even care?), for drinking obscene amounts of caffeine when I know from past experiences that my body can't handle it, and finally for not finishing everything and making all of this harder on myself.

I'll let you all know how I'm doing.
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